Anxiety Archives - Antonio Sanchez Counsellor

This is an issue that often comes up among my clients who I see in West Brompton in West London. Anxiety is the fear we have for something that may happen in the future. I am not sure whether we live in a world that is more insecure and gives us more cause to be more fearful. Perhaps because we have more knowledge of the world than did our ancestors our awareness of harm has increased and therefore our fear of it. It seems to be a paradox that we are in more control of our world than previous generations and yet perhaps less confident of the future.

There is of course nothing wrong with fear and in fact it is a crucial emotion for us to have in our lives. It tells us of danger. Without it we would not survive. I believe the difficulty comes when fear stops becoming just an emotion that gives us information but establishes itself as the deciding factor in our lives. Anxiety can take us to a state that is paralysing and can be very distressing. In the midst of a panic attack one can fear for one’s life. We can lose the ability to be active and the quality and scope of our lives can be greatly reduced. We need to listen to our fears, be with them, but then develop the courage to work through them and do the things we need to do despite them when we need to.

The way we think about events, present and future, influences the way we feel about them and vice-versa. The more negatively we think about something the more we fear it and the more we fear it the more negatively we consider it producing a vicious cycle that can trap us in inaction. We can sometimes make things into a matter of life and death when in fact we would survive them and may be able to make them into something far more positive than we think we can. Sometimes therapy can help us deal with fears and anxieties by gradually desensitizing us to them. In a gradual approach with support we can deal with a little bit at a time of the thing we fear. As we gradually deal with our fear more and more hopefully our confidence increases so that we are able to face more of our fear. There are also behaviours that we can learn that help to reduce our anxious feelings. They can include mindfulness, meditation, and even ways of breathing. Sometimes even just pausing our actions and reactions can help by giving the anxious feelings a chance to subside so that we can go into a less agitated state to be able to make a better response. Ultimately, the only way to deal with fear or anxiety is to face it. The aim of therapy can be to develop our sense of competency in the world so that we are not overwhelmed by our fears but have developed enough self-belief that we feel we can deal with them. We stop becoming governed by our anxiety.

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I practise counselling in West Brompton and clients who come to see me there often state that they are depressed. Depression has become one of the most common reasons for people to seek psychotherapy. Perhaps this is because there is less of a stigma to admitting that you may be depressed than there used to be. Or, I have also heard it said, we live in an age that produces more depression among people. Arguably, depression is a response to a given situation and therapy can be a way of learning a healthier response.

Depression can be a way of stifling painful emotions, literally depressing them. In therapy you can learn to let those emotions be expressed safely and develop the strength to be with them.

I have heard it said that depression is like being in a prison where you hold the key. It might seem strange that someone would not want to come out of their depressed state but prison can be used as a place of safety and depression can feel comforting. It can be used as a way not to deal with distressing feelings or risky confrontations. However, the energy that could be used to move a life forward becomes spent in keeping it in check leaving a person feeling stuck and exhausted.

It is hard to have a relationship with someone who is depressed. You can feel your energy being sucked out of you and your motivation being sorely tested by their negative thinking. Living with them can feel like walking on eggshells as they take out their frustration on you. People who are depressed can be very self-absorbed and they can be difficult to reach. Paradoxically, when those with depression most need support can be the time when they act to push people away. Therapy can help them to obtain a more positive perspective.

There is a view that there is a chemical component to depression. I believe that antidepressants have their place in dealing with its effects but I do not think they can provide a long term solution. The longer they are taken the more the body develops a tolerance towards them and higher doses become necessary to provide relief. There is a danger that people can become dependent on them and become scared to stop using them after they have ceased to be able to provide any relief. Perhaps it is healthy relationships that will bring long term change to brain chemistry. These need not just occur in therapy but can be found in wider communities.

Being active can also help change brain chemistry for the better. It can help to break the isolation of the prison of depression and thus reduce the effects of depression. If being depressed is a response to the society we live in then helping to make society a better place can perhaps lift our depression. To work to help others who are more in need than ourselves can give us an illuminating perspective on our own lives. This may be working to address issues that are recent or that have always blighted our lives. To experience the best of life you must let yourself experience the worst.

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